buy a car
buy it all
all the time
the past especially
to sit and just watch
life -
like a play or a movie
and with a snap - stop it all
reposition players
go back a few steps
drop a line - then let
it play on - if that is
what we do when we pass
i want to remember
the moment - i sat by you
and said i could not do anymore plays
not there, not then - i had to wait tables
had to act elsewhere
had to pretend far away
from your limp and your momma
who was so fat she no longer came 'round
still
controlled -
perhaps i should go further back
to the moment when your mother
in all her beauty and crassness
said - no, no vaccine for her
before she ate her guilt
a gentle tug at her arm
an iron lung at her feet
a stumble into her unknown fear
a simple smile from a nurse
any and all these may have shifted the world
and you would have gotten a shot, a small one that leaves a tiny imprint
and no polio
but then where would i have been
the no shot led to the illness which led to the limping which led to the moment
you chose me - to enter the circle
the art that helped me escape
perhaps i would not go so far back
just to an open audition - any would have done
just to see the glint in your eyes once more before you died