Joy for Free*

This month is over - and I survived it 

For a moment there I felt I would falter 

I was angry - the disappointing - stung 

And that was what it was meant to do 

And it did - and it will for a while - yet 

It’s just another thing I survived -  and it 

Gave me strength - the strength that comes 

To someone who has suffered  much worse 

So bring it - 

And then leave it - be safe - that’s all we can 

Hope - and someday many years from now 

I’ll smile and think how sad - how such a slight 

Hurt so much 

* Joy for Free: Cole Adams and Paul Niehaus IV

6.14 aka a new kernel

In honor of your bday

I bought myself a blazer

 

It’s feminine enough

In my favorite of color

Embroidered Black -

                            I’ll wear it 

              And think 

of you 

              I’m kind 

                      

                             like that - I hope 

it doesn’t disappoint 

Gen X

This little box keeps me so entertained 

It’s stuck to my hand - it’s my work, my

Solace - sleeps by my head - in trance 

It even has me an - I - how diabolical 

And glorious - it is more real than friends 

Who reach out thru the little rose gold 

Box -  wrapped in careful leather that holds 

My life - the necessary plastic we are told 

Makes us: license, a debit and credit card 

To legitimatize our existence - and makes 

Buying coffee ok - my daughter is younger 

She carries no plastic - just a pale blue box 

In her back pocket 

Mulberry Tree

I deeply believe my words are being pilfered 

I have no evidence to substantiate this claim 

Yet 

     Words 

             Thoughts 

                       Disappoint 

                               What a fun word 

How can it - it’s a wedge to the ocean 

Striking against the Damm - this abyss 

Created by those who rarely recognize 

A difference in tears and an ocean current

It matters as much as I let it - so I say take each word 

Become cognizant and suffer 

F* cancer

Puppies shouldn’t get cancer

That’s the bottom line - no this 

Or that for pups and kittens 

Just love - the patient kind with pets 

And play and hugs and whispers 

Heard between grief - like he’s leaving 

Again and this time pup you will 

Stay with me 

location, location, location

Perhaps the reason I can’t buy a house 

Is because I don’t want it here - here has 

Let me down - here has felt like muck 

It’s all mucked up - the loosing you the you 

Back again and again - and I never wanted 

To be here 

The mountains, the prairies - 

The sky that extends into the ocean 

It all feels so daunting to escape 

Yet it all feels so muggy here besides the tumble weeds 

Perhaps now knowing 

You’ll be gone and won’t ever return, ever 

I’ll find my escape amongst the creeks of Colorado 

Or the sea of the Carolinas - or the hills of New Mexico 

grace

like yellow papers scattered across the prairie*

my words are scattered across this abyss 

i read that book in one sitting 

i can read, read so fast at times it hurts 

but that is my job - to read and find probable cause 

probable cause to arrest and hold - to stop the goings of life 

in fact this finding often ends jobs and relationships 

it stalks in waiting - expiration, speeding, cameras 

all good helpers and the best of all are the ones

that at one time said I love - unconditional, unwaivering 

love 

used against - i often stop and whisper 

 thank you 

for loving me enough to not 

forlettingme

be free

*Conagher

Novel by Louis L'Amour