For me it’s the economics of being a mother
To a son who is inches away yet miles from me
A moment
A joke, a connection - a semblance of a joint existence
I’ll learn it all - if it can help me - lean into his life
Perhaps if I lean in enough - if I learn enough - if I
Grovel a bit
It won’t be a Chinese Room*
It will be a life - a life he leads with a job if he wants it
Friends, lovers, books, texts to his mother that he is busy
But Sunday for brunch would be nice - he’ll buy
I want that - how do I get there - when he’s on repeat
Scripting and flapping and bouncing - everything that was cute at 4 - at seventeen it’s knee bending - it’s my life
How do I get out of my life
How do I leave
Knowing he remains
* 1980 paper by the American philosopher John Searle, entitled "Minds, Brains, and Programs" and published in the journal Behavioral and Brain Sciences.[1]